Adoption Update: Part 5

Many of you have been asking us for more  Adoption updates.  To be honest, I've been dreading writing the news we have to share with you.  Today, December 12th, is the day we were hoping to fly out of Kalispell to pick up our sweet Lily girl.  We were hoping and praying that Monday would be the day she would be placed in our arms for the very first time. Instead, here I sit...within the comfort of my home, drinking hot tea and picking at computer keys, while my little girl is sleeping (its 2:51 a.m. where she is) in a metal crib, at and orphanage 5,981 miles away from her family.  To say my heart has been shattered into a million pieces over these past two weeks, may be the biggest understatement I've uttered in my entire life.

We sent our dossier to China on November 7th and have been waiting on our hard LOA (letter of approval from China) every day since.  Every. single. day...I weep over the excruciating waiting...  wondering, hoping and praying that she is, in fact, okay...that she is well.  Does she smile?  How often does she hear the words, "Go sleep in the corner by yourself and don't cry."? (words she knows and understands according to our last update from her orphanage).  Will anyone hug her next time she goes to get a transfusion?  What battle will she face today?  Has anyone ever told her the words, "I love you."?

However, with all of these thoughts tormenting me by day and by night, I Thank God Almighty for His Grace and patience with me.  You see, I'm human, and I am weak.  I've yelled at God...literally yelled.  I've been mad at Him for not breathing life into someone's hands at the CCCWA and getting us the paperwork we've been waiting on for the past 35 days.  And after I have a melt-down, much like the ones I sometimes see from my own little 18 month-old, He scoops up the pieces, provides me comfort and covers me with love in different ways.

Sometimes it's as if I can hear Him say, "Alissa, are you done now?  Do you trust me?  Do you really trust me?  I've got this, really, I do.  Trust me.  Take my hand, get up, and lets walk through this together."  By His goodness, peace abounds and once again I am able to step forward.

Last Sunday, I was a compete wreck, and God sent two women to pray with me after church.  Women who I didn't ask to come, sat with me and held my hands while I cried.  Then they prayed as if they knew exactly what I needed to hear from God himself.

And even this week, He sent me a message over facebook.  Can God do that?  Why yes He can.  This week a complete stranger sent me a message over facebook explaining to me that she had a connection with our daughter, Lily.  Friends, her story meant the WORLD to me, and once again, through her story, God patiently breathed life into my weary heart.

So what news do we have to share?  We are now hoping to fly out on January 16th.  Please pray with us.  I mentioned confessed that I've yelled at God for not getting us to China today.  Although that is entirely true, what I really want to share is that I choose to trust Him.  Lily was His daughter first, and He loves her so much.  Although I do not understand why He wants us to wait a little longer to make our family whole, I will try to rest in knowing it for the best, because His way is always best.  This is something I need to remind myself of daily...sometimes hourly multiple times per hour, but I will choose to trust Him.

During this wait, I've started reading Ann Voskamp's book, 1000 Gifts again.  And once again, I've started writing down God's gifts to me.  God has blessed us more than we could ever imagine, and today I choose to be thankful.

#222 Ruby laid her head on my chest, fell asleep, and I was able to feel her breathing slow and watch her dream.
#223 Someday soon I will hold Lily the same way.  It may take a long time for her to attach to me enough to fall asleep on my chest, but IT WILL happen.

Thank you all for your prayers.  They are being heard.  As soon as we get LOA, we will shout it out and you will all know!  Many blessings.

Here's something that touched my heart recently.  I could learn a lot from this little guy's faith!