Adoption Update: Part 6

After an excruciating day yesterday, I am able to sit down and tell you 

WE GOT LOA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(That was me shouting it out!)

For those of you who may not know, LOA stands for Letter of Approval. and it comes directly from the Chinese Government.  I don't want to focus on the negative things we have been experiencing over the past couple weeks, but I would like to briefly mention a little of our story so God can adequately be thanked for this miracle.  

We received "Soft LOA" December 1st (or sometime over the Thanksgiving holiday while our agency was closed...exact dates are not given for this step of the process...weird, I know).  Anyway, I am getting off track.  Soft LOA is basically the same approval as "Hard LOA" without the official document/paper itself.  Soft LOA shows up on the CCCWA (Chinese Adoption Branch of Government) website, and it means you have been approved, and the physical paper (Hard LOA) should be on it's way very soon.  Because we are expediting we were thinking it would show up in a week's time...MAX.  

We were wrong...and we waited checking in with our agency every single day.   Our agency had no idea where our LOA was, but they assured us it would arrive to their office any day.

A week passed...

After a full week I realized there was a small possibility we could use our soft LOA to move forward to the next step of the adoption process, so I asked our agency to send via e-amil.  This is where we started facing problems.  Our soft LOA had gone missing from the CCCWA website.  At first, we were told that it was because the website was down and it would appear again soon when the site was up and running again,  so we waited.

Another week passed...

The site was up and running again, and there was still no record of Soft LOA.  We were then told that our dossier moved so quickly through the process that we were most likely being forced to wait for LOA because the CCCWA did not have a chance to process our funds.  

Then December 15th came...

 and our worlds were rocked!  

We still had no Soft LOA or any word on Hard (paper) LOA.  We were then told by a few families that when a soft LOA goes missing it can mean that China has decided to pull the child's file and the child becomes "un-adoptable."  (I don't think this is what actually happened, but when someone says this, your mama bear comes out in full force and you want answers).  When we heard this was a possibility that other families had experienced, I panicked.  And I started trying to find answers.  

I called...

I called everyone I could possibly think to call...

E.V.E.R.Y.O.N.E

(multiple times hoping for news...any news)

Meanwhile, while I heard nothing about our status of receiving our adoption approval or answers about our daughters eligibility, I did get an "update" on Lily's wellness yesterday.  We are allowed to ask 5  questions (yes, only 5) about Lily every 2-3 months (yes only every 60-90 days...IT REALLY SUCKS!)  Since we missed our travel deadline this month, we were allowed to ask a few days before the 2 month mark.  The news we received yesterday was not what we were hoping for.  

The orphanage only answered 1 of our 5 questions.  In a nut shell, they told us that Lily broke her right femur in June.  She was hospitalized for 20 days, and her break didn't heal properly .  Her right leg is now slightly shorter than her left.  Not only is she is afraid to walk, but she most likely feels constant pain in her leg.  

When I read this, I was already feeling pretty down-and-out.  Not being able to get to your hurting child is one of the worst feelings in the world.  At this point, I needed to ask everyone...and I mean everyone...to pray.  So naturally, we posted our request to facebook.  

Later that night, Clint and I begged, and I mean BEEEEGGGED God for the miracle of LOA. You see, with out this one, little piece of paper EVERYTHING in the process shuts down.  We are stuck...just waiting... knowing our child needs us more every day.

We decided to wear our Bring Lily Home Shirts as a family the next day (today).  We told Liam it was because we were asking and fully expecting God to provide a miracle.  He thought that was pretty cool! :)

We went about our day, and at about 4:30 when I had not heard from our agency, I called them.  They hadn't heard anything, but they wanted to give it just one more day before storming the gates of China.  With a heavy heart I reluctantly said okay.

Amy, one of or case workers said to me,

"Alissa, my heart is truly breaking for you.  The next time I call you, I will have good news...I pray for good news.  Look for my number on your caller ID."

I hung up the phone with a heavy heart, asking God why He wanted us to wait.

I cried...and asked Him for strength to face tomorrow, because I was running pretty low on faith-fuel.

About 30 minutes later, while I was standing in the middle of the dollar store of all places, 

my phone rang...

It was Amy's number...

This was our conversation...

****RRRIIIINNNGGG***

Me: NOOOOO WAYYYYYY!

Amy: Alissa?  Hi, this is Amy from Holt.

Me: Amy, Hi!!!

Amy: I'm sitting at my desk with your LOA in my HANDS.  We received a late shipment, I ripped it open and it was for you!  It was your LOA!  Congratulations!

Right there, in the middle of the Dollar store arts and craft section, I started screaming and jumping up and down (I'm serious...people were most definitely staring...it was like an awkward flash mob, but I was the only one involved!).  I think I actually jumped on a lady's foot (it was crazy busy there for some reason), I felt pretty bad about the foot stomping incident but she hurried to get away from the crazy lady, so I just kept jumping!

LOA...

It has arrived...

We have a few more steps before we can book travel, but we are moving again.

Mama and Daddy are coming sweet Lily girl, 

We're riding on the grace coverings of Jesus.

Hold tight.  We'll be there soon!

Thank you for praying.  It's working.
24 hours after we asked you to storm the gates of Heaven, Jesus came running!

Please keep it up!

Blessings to you all!

Adoption Update: Part 5

Many of you have been asking us for more  Adoption updates.  To be honest, I've been dreading writing the news we have to share with you.  Today, December 12th, is the day we were hoping to fly out of Kalispell to pick up our sweet Lily girl.  We were hoping and praying that Monday would be the day she would be placed in our arms for the very first time. Instead, here I sit...within the comfort of my home, drinking hot tea and picking at computer keys, while my little girl is sleeping (its 2:51 a.m. where she is) in a metal crib, at and orphanage 5,981 miles away from her family.  To say my heart has been shattered into a million pieces over these past two weeks, may be the biggest understatement I've uttered in my entire life.

We sent our dossier to China on November 7th and have been waiting on our hard LOA (letter of approval from China) every day since.  Every. single. day...I weep over the excruciating waiting...  wondering, hoping and praying that she is, in fact, okay...that she is well.  Does she smile?  How often does she hear the words, "Go sleep in the corner by yourself and don't cry."? (words she knows and understands according to our last update from her orphanage).  Will anyone hug her next time she goes to get a transfusion?  What battle will she face today?  Has anyone ever told her the words, "I love you."?

However, with all of these thoughts tormenting me by day and by night, I Thank God Almighty for His Grace and patience with me.  You see, I'm human, and I am weak.  I've yelled at God...literally yelled.  I've been mad at Him for not breathing life into someone's hands at the CCCWA and getting us the paperwork we've been waiting on for the past 35 days.  And after I have a melt-down, much like the ones I sometimes see from my own little 18 month-old, He scoops up the pieces, provides me comfort and covers me with love in different ways.

Sometimes it's as if I can hear Him say, "Alissa, are you done now?  Do you trust me?  Do you really trust me?  I've got this, really, I do.  Trust me.  Take my hand, get up, and lets walk through this together."  By His goodness, peace abounds and once again I am able to step forward.

Last Sunday, I was a compete wreck, and God sent two women to pray with me after church.  Women who I didn't ask to come, sat with me and held my hands while I cried.  Then they prayed as if they knew exactly what I needed to hear from God himself.

And even this week, He sent me a message over facebook.  Can God do that?  Why yes He can.  This week a complete stranger sent me a message over facebook explaining to me that she had a connection with our daughter, Lily.  Friends, her story meant the WORLD to me, and once again, through her story, God patiently breathed life into my weary heart.

So what news do we have to share?  We are now hoping to fly out on January 16th.  Please pray with us.  I mentioned confessed that I've yelled at God for not getting us to China today.  Although that is entirely true, what I really want to share is that I choose to trust Him.  Lily was His daughter first, and He loves her so much.  Although I do not understand why He wants us to wait a little longer to make our family whole, I will try to rest in knowing it for the best, because His way is always best.  This is something I need to remind myself of daily...sometimes hourly multiple times per hour, but I will choose to trust Him.

During this wait, I've started reading Ann Voskamp's book, 1000 Gifts again.  And once again, I've started writing down God's gifts to me.  God has blessed us more than we could ever imagine, and today I choose to be thankful.

#222 Ruby laid her head on my chest, fell asleep, and I was able to feel her breathing slow and watch her dream.
#223 Someday soon I will hold Lily the same way.  It may take a long time for her to attach to me enough to fall asleep on my chest, but IT WILL happen.

Thank you all for your prayers.  They are being heard.  As soon as we get LOA, we will shout it out and you will all know!  Many blessings.

Here's something that touched my heart recently.  I could learn a lot from this little guy's faith!